January 20th, 2009


One of my favoritest things about being on birth control like NuvaRing is how much more aware I become of my cycle and associated mood swings. I'm not a big-time PMSer but I do notice increased anxiety, increased emotional reactions, and decreased patience with myself and others.

I requested last Friday, yesterday, and today off so that I could get my house under control. I feel like I've never had any house completely under control. We've always moved in during frenzied times like final trimesters of pregnancies and so many things just slip through the cracks. So here in this house that I love I have been growing insanely frustrated with the fact I just haven't been able to get it under a manageable system.This despite the fact my husband is springing for a very nice lady to come and clean every other Wednesday. So that was my intention several weeks ago when I giddily placed my vacation request. Well, not so much Friday. Friday was a field trip with Daughter's daycare to go the circus. But the rest, for sure. And then I realized just a week before my vacation was coming that Monday was Martin Luther King Day and not only was Eldest's school closed, but the daycare as well.

Now, I have been hacking away at the house every extra minute I have found myself. So I figured it was a good thing that I would be able to have a day with the kids. And what a day it was. Lots of fun and I even managed to wash every piece of dirty laundry in the house (ten loads- 3 on Sunday and 7 on Monday), fold 95% of it (I'd forgotten the one impromptu) load in the dryer, and put away 75% of it (the baby was sleeping so his clothes is still waiting and J puts away his clothes).

This morning I found it incredibly hard to get out of bed. And so I didn't until almost 11 in the morning. And when I did, I went into the playroom and moved every bin and almost every box into the living room and got to work watching the innauguration. It went by surprisingly fast though I'm kicking myself for forgetting the big plastic toy box. One garbage bag of trash and one garbage bag of donations. I rearranged some of the furniture and picked it all up. Well most of it. I decided I couldn't take being in the house anymore and slipped out for a couple of hours then went to get the kids at daycare.

So, the POINT is that not too long ago I was in the living room and I was taking in the scattered odds and ends from the play room that I was yet to put away. And the dining table that is covered on one half in complete clutter and paper and the horrible book shelf that leans precariously back and forth and I swore I'd empty. And I just got so upset at myself. And so frustrated that I didn't have any type of control over anything not even my little tiny house and I felt myself getting teary and it annoyed me! And like a damn lightning bolt, I realized I'm pretty sure I have to take the NuvaRing out this Friday. Which means that I'd be getting my period this weekend or early next week. Which means I'm PMSing. My torn cuticles and nails further attest to the fact. But that realization was so important. Now I have to cling to that for the rest of the week because the most harmful thing for me is to feel I am losing control of myself and by realizing this cyclical movement, I am back in control. I'm able to see it's not that I'm losing control it's that my hormones are playing with me.